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Children's Pastor's Language Guide

Membership Level Guest

Author/Source: Roger Fields

Topic: Humor

It has come to our attention that Children’s Pastors see the world a little differently than most others. This handy reference guide will help bridge the language gap that so often divides them from the rest of society. We recommend this guide be kept for ready reference at all staff and board meetings so as to help understand your children’s pastor and his/her perspective.


To Most People: The black hole of the church. Exact origin: unknown. Sucks people in, never to be seen again in a worship service

To the Children’s Pastor: The highest calling in the world.


To Most People: A week off for mom so having the kids home for the summer won’t be so traumatic.

To the Children’s Pastor: Time of reaching lost kids for the Lord.


To Most People: The offspring of our beloved minister of God.

To the Children’s Pastor: a virus.


To Most People: Living wage for services rendered.

To the Children’s Pastor: A goal in life.


To Most People: A good way to blow up balloons.

To the Children’s Pastor: Office furniture.


To Most People: Stuffed animals or people you can place over your hand.

To the Children’s Pastor: Reliable workers.


To Most People: Educational materials.

To the Children’s Pastor: Survival kit.


To Most People: Sunshine and lemonade.

To the Children’s Pastor: VBS and camp .


To Most People: Children of Israel leaving Egypt.

To the Children’s Pastor: Workers leaving for the summer.


To Most People: Videos about talking vegetables.

To the Children’s Pastor: Best way on earth to survive when service goes long.


To Most People: Unpaid people who work for fire department.

To the Children’s Pastor: Best word to use for attracting kids and worst word to use for attracting adults.


To Most People: Snack drink.

To the Children’s Pastor: The fifth food group.


To Most People: Adults in matching robes who sing in church.

To the Children’s Pastor: Hideout for AWOL nursery workers.


To Most People: Sick relatives.

To the Children’s Pastor: Sick pets.


To Most People: A good sermon with everyone out on time.

To the Children’s Pastor: No injuries.


To Most People: Way to become familiar with church doctrine.

To the Children’s Pastor: Meat market for new workers.


To Most People: Never heard of it.

To the Children’s Pastor: Way to inform children’s workers.


To Most People: A fan.

To the Children’s Pastor: An airplane .


To Most People: Church of tomorrow.

To the Children’s Pastor: Church of today.

(Excerpted from the Cold Water Café at

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